Saturday, January 22, 2005



I waited and daydreamed, a Cinderella princess
I pictured you saving the day
I waited in anger, a knight in shining armor
To take all my troubles away

I was just fifteen, a miniature queen,
Knee-high in garbage, but I had a dream
Covered by the flies and all I despise,
I didn’t have much chance against the fury in their eyes:
The guilty lies

You came and I gave you an open-ended question,
Invited you into my sin
But you wouldn’t give me a sympathetic answer
I had to make you begin

Fighting with my pride, justice on our side,
Angry at evil, I laughed when they died
You could stay so calm with blood on your palm,
You didn’t hate it or love it, but it made you belong:
I think it was wrong

Now we are lying in guilt and shame forever,
But you want to leave it behind
I cannot leave here—how can I wish for comfort?
I don’t want a sanctified mind

You know that it’s your sin. How can you grin?
If you didn’t come here, how could we begin?
And now that I’m in pain, drowning in shame,
I know it was my dream, but you take the blame:
You don’t feel the same

You say it would be better if I’d take a stand
Decide that I’m in charge and take my fate in hand
I’m too exhausted to let go of fortune’s apron string
I don’t want to be responsible for everything

I wish I were fifteen, a miniature queen,
Wondering what life is, nursing my dream
Covered in the flies and all I despise,
Waiting for someone who’s strong in my eyes:
The fury and the lies



I am walking down the street to the garden
Where I promised I would meet You and sin
And give You everything You asked of me
In the bloody, green walled garden.
You are the handsomest, the richest, the kindest;
You are the best of all the dancers and singers,
The freshest, the best loved of all.
You swear that You will die without my kindness.

In a poor attempt to heal Your heartbreak,
I promised too quickly, I promised on a whim;
You did the impossible, and I was trapped.
To fulfill my vow I now must break His heart.
He promised to serve and obey me, and so I promised Him.
You say that it is up to me whether You live or die;
If I break my promise to You, it will kill You.
I would rather kill myself than break my promise to Him.

I reacted to Your love in compassion and wonder.
I pity You in Your anxiety and desperation,
I marvel at Your tremendous cleverness.
How did You work this mysterious wonder?
You do not want me to suffer, You say,
Yet you hold me to my promise.
How is it that You care more for Your own desire
Than for my virtue—You say this is love?

More than His own desire, He seeks my honor,
He cried when I told Him what I had promised;
He tried to pretend it was not a major concern
He insisted that I keep my word and honor.
He forgives me already and begged to keep my secret,
Ready to make everyone think that He drove me to You.
I told You that I would never abandon Him;
Now I owe You myself and must perform my painful secret.

My heart is full of fear of blood and regret
This garden is walled, like a trap You set
I go forward to resigned rape, the blood-letting of my spirit
Afterward, I follow You though I am regretful.
Love is not the bond of a master and his slave;
Love is a thing as free as any spirit.
Men and women naturally desire freedom
And do not wish to be bound in slavery.