Walking Home in Spring

I can feel my heart and lungs
bursting to get out of my body.
They're cramped up
in the tight, moist darkness inside me
and they can't get out.
It isn't fair that they should be so shut up,
unable to experience
the fresh-cut grass on my nose
the thick, loamy soil on my tongue
the soft, papery leaves on my hands.
They threaten to hurl themselves out of me.
I will split down the middle and turn inside out.
My blood will bathe over the whole world
and my heart will leap from my chest in a cry of hunger.
It, too, may burst open
and invert.
If I can't fit the world inside my body,
I will have to stretch my skin out wide enough to lie underneath it.
I will spread out my opened body and allow the world to rush in,
bathing my organs with cool breezes and sharp tastes,
drowning the need for sleep in an ecstasy of sense.

Breaking Up with Matt

I feel as though I've had a goldfish
and it died.
I'm not sad because I miss the goldfish--
it's a goldfish, after all, and it's not cuddly or affectionate--
and you can always buy another goldfish in the fish aisle at Wal-Mart.
But I feel a little crappy because I can't even keep a goldfish alive.
I've had responsibility for an intricate living creature
and I failed it.
But what can you do?
You flush the dead fish down the toilet and you buy a new one.
And this time you know not to wash the tank out with bleach.

In the Margins of My Notes on Faust

I can’t concentrate
I’m panting
I’m in love with the world
I can see everything
Taste it
Smell the earth
I’m going to cry
At the risk of sounding vulgar
The world is arousing
But it isn’t vulgar at all
It’s wonderful
Go away
You can’t understand
You can’t participate
Screaming
Nostrils flaring
Squeeze eyes shut
Arms are cramping
Insides come up through my mouth
Throw head back into the wall
Open mouth so wide
Yawn
I can’t express it
I can’t get it out
I want to stay up all night and HOWL AT THE MOON
LOOK
GASP
Give her your attention
My waist is so small
My neck is cold and long
I’m so childish
I’m a child
Make me a mother
Oh
Am I human
I feel human
But so few are like me
Belly open
Spread
Scribble
I’m so hungry
I’m so hungry for everything
Stretch me
My hair is soft
Toss my head
It’s too, too much
My hair
So much soft teasing
Curls
Wild
Fingers
Fingernails
Growl
Cry
Bite bite
Tear with teeth
Pull my hair
Pull me along, drag me
Snarl
Snap
Moan groan
Grunt
Kill and eat
Raw flesh
Still warm and bloody
I’m hungry
I must eat
I must live
Go outside
Howl howl
The blood-red necklace
Fast panting
Lick lick
Lick
Lap
Lap up
The milk
Bite your tongue
Mouth fixation
Salivate
Taste it all
My lips taste so good
Pant pant pant
Howl snarl
Swallow
Open up to swallow them all
Lick lips and taste them
Taste cool tears
Watery wet and salty safe
Every every sensation
Chew until the pen snaps
Crack crack bones
Slither and swirl
I have so many teeth
So sharp
Whimper high
My mouth is
So big
My throat is
So deep
Twist and turn
Oh oh
Quiet
Shhhh
Quiet me down
Don’t let me
Stop me
NO NO NO
Wild and depraved
Wild
Wild
Wild wild
Round round
Spherical bulbs
Slam
Bang bang bang
Fist
Stomp stomp stomp
Ha
Cannot draw
Cannot write
No no no
Eat
Taste
Bite my body
Whimper
Sick romanticism?
Poor baby
We’re all sick and
WONDERFUL
Sniffle
Whimper
Cry
Smile at your cute cute sniffles
Restless
Shame at enjoyment
Of the taste of blood
Sharp canine teeth
Shame and wonder
Hunger and fear
Am I sick and evil?
Is it wrong?
To enjoy sense?
To enjoy pain?