Guilt and Jealousy and Guilt

I suppose, from what I've seen, that she
is the sweetest, dearest girl in the entire world.
She deserves all good things.
If I knew her any better, I would be falling at her feet,
begging to serve her.
Anyone might adore her.

I've never seen someone so soft and gentle
who also sparkled with vibrant joy.
I've never seen someone so excited and eager
who could stay, poised neatly in her own chair,
with her hands folded,
and say nothing.
I'm not like that at all.

I do not want to do her wrong.
I seek desperately to serve her.
I must find a way to love her;
I must find a way to want to do what's best for her.

I want her to be happy,
but sometimes I wish she would just die.